Saturday, November 29, 2008

Because I Said So

Back when the Season of Food began (aka Halloween), my friend Shari was struggling with food and was feeling deprived that she “couldn’t” eat some of her favorite foods while losing weight. It was an emotional struggle and we talked about it at length. A few days later, she read the blog I posted about my own difficulty with Halloween candy, and sent me this email: “Ah, Halloween candy. I bought mostly stuff I don't like...with the exception of M&M's. I thought I'd be safe as long as I didn't open the bag... and I was... until one day when I thought, ‘Just one fun size package would really make me feel better.’ Four days and many fun size packages later, you saved me with a visit that pulled me out of my funk. I haven't touched them since. :) Thanks, buddy.”

You’re welcome, Shari, but as you and many of my readers know, I don’t always practice what I preach. Good advice I dole out to friends doesn’t always get through my own dense thinking.

Over at Refuse To Regain, I wrote in my last blog about how my knee (which subsequently turned into “knees”) went out and I was unable to work out like I wanted to so I could have a little extra T-day food. When I wrote the blog on Tuesday, I really thought I’d wrapped my head around it and accepted that I’d need to be careful with my choices on Friday (we had a delayed T-day this year) since I didn’t have the buffer of a huge cardio workout.

On Thanksgiving Day, first daughter and I cooked for six hours and I didn’t pick or taste test anything except the new cranberry sauce recipe I tried (which was fabulous by the way – click here to see it). I patted myself on the back, solidly convinced that since I cooked the meal without being tempted, I’d be just dandy the next day when we bought it all down to second daughter’s house to eat it.

What derailed me was the scale. (*Insert big eye roll and sigh*) I stepped on it while getting ready to go to second daughter’s house and wouldn’t you know it? I was up a few pounds. After posting a rant to my online maintenance group about it, I thought I would just move on, let it go, deep breath, all that s*it.

But that scale number sat there in the back of my head all day, gnawing at my good sense and sanity. I kept thinking, ‘What happened to what I wrote on RTR?’: “I forget that I really do know what I’m doing. Pilots are trained to fly in inclement weather. I, too, have been trained to maintain when these physically turbulent times arise. I just need to trust myself, continue to fight, and utilize the tools I’ve honed over the last four years. Yeah, so, I gain two pounds. Doesn’t mean I’ll gain 170.”

What happened was that I didn’t fully embrace my own words. I still, after nearly two years in maintenance, don’t fully trust that I know what I’m doing or that I won’t throw it all away in some mad potato/stuffing/pumpkin pie craving and dive head first into each one as they pass from the person on my left to the person on my right.

*Insert additional eye roll*

As we played The Game of Life (a T-day tradition), I ate a few baked pita chips and salsa and sampled the artichoke dip (as I had planned). I drank a glass of wine, picked up G-baby Claire at least 20 times because she wanted up (I can never say no) and made the green beans and checked the meal warming in the oven. But still, that ever-nagging, “Why me? Why can’t I eat all the potatoes and stuffing I want? Why? Why? Why?” wouldn’t go away. Finally, I retreated to the bathroom and got all mom on myself. While I can’t say no to G-baby Claire, Child Lynn had to be told to suck it up. She had to hear, “Because I said so.”

Parent Lynn compromised with Child Lynn and allowed her to have a taste of the stuffing and the potatoes. Not a face-full, but a taste. And a taste sufficed. In fact, a taste made me remember why I don’t eat “party” potatoes or stuffing (the real stuff. The kids banned “diet” stuffing this year). Rather than eating more than a taste, I had a few extra string beans with almonds and another bite or two of sweet potatoes and Child Lynn was really happy.

Today, I am back to clean eating and (mostly) clean thinking. I stepped on the scale (sorry, Sondra, I just had to) and I was down a pound, which made me realize that other factors beside food and no exercise contribute to the scale number (like water retention in my melon-sized knees, maybe?) and that I do, probably, know what I’m doing. Wait. Scratch that. I don’t actually “know” what I’m doing all the time. Weight-maintenance Nirvana will take a little longer, I’m afraid. But I trust the learning process. I (almost) trust myself.


11 comments:

Lyn said...

Ha! I had a little episode with the scale myself yesterday. Against my better judgement I stepped on. My eyeballs just about fell out of my head and rolled across the floor. I got off there fast.

And yeah, nods on the Party Potatoes too!! I always make them for Christmas. Last year I made them "low fat." This year I am just not going to make them. Time to grow up. My kids don't even like that stuff.

Happy Holidays :)

Vickie said...

very cute picture!!!

SunflowerDaisies said...

Thanks for the post. It's always been hard for me not to restrict myself this time of year, and then binge later.

Susan said...

Great post. No, we cannot eat all we want and stay where we want to be. It is just a fact of life for me. I am still under my WW goal, but really want to be just a few pounds lower. I was there after lots of hard work earlier this year but have inched up. It is a head game for me. Just have to keep working on it.

Also, on the holiday front. Remember it is all about balance. You can overdue it a bit one day if you cut back the next few days.

I just remembered that this is not the maintenance thread. But it does work for weight loss too.

TrixieBelden said...

Hey Lynn,

Thanks for stopping by my blog. I have enjoyed getting to know your blog and the refuse to regain blog. I'd love to join your blog roll! As you can probably tell from the renewed frequency and topics in my posts, I'm seeing that I need to be more active in my maintenance efforts. Thanksgiving didn't seem tough, but as always, it is the days that follow when you want to keep on "celebrating" with food that are tough. I mean I ate some concoction today with lots of cheese and fried eggplant (insert eye roll :) I never do that! So, needless to say, I'll be back!

Take care,

Trixie

Shawnda said...

Thank you for your honestly about wanting to eat the "bad stuff" too. Sometimes it is so hard to stay on track. In America all celebrations revolve around food. I had to face the scale this morning and it was not very nice. But it is a new day....

Mara said...

Eating the bad stuff reminds me that even though I am eating it I am still able to feel good about it and know that just because I am being bad at that moment I will get right back on track afterwards. Thanks for always being so honest Lynn.

Mara
http://24stepstogo.blogspot.com/

Charlie Hills said...

Hi there. Just found your blog on a dick-through from PastaQueen. So far my "Season of Eating" is going better than ever. In that I'm not on the usual see-food diet. It's not easy, and I'm far from through it yet. But it is nice having two holidays down and just one to go.

Skye's the Limit said...

Lynn, I am so relieved to see that I am not the only one who takes herself into the bathroom for a good talking to when needed! I had a similar situation that occurred in a restaurant this past Saturday! LOL

Tom @ Lets Get Fit. said...

No one, can be expected to control themselves 24/7. It is natural to indulge sometimes, it is the getting back part that people can fail on.

Alexia@theonelastthing.com said...

I think when I finally let go of "good" and "bad" (really, in my spirit, not just intellectually), I was able to have a little taste of indulgent foods sometimes and eat healthy most of the time. When I'm feeling difficult, I tell people, when asked, that I started losing weight when I added Nutella and bacon back into my diet ;-)