Thursday, February 19, 2009

This Is The Time

I bought myself some tulips today at WalMart. Just a little $5 bunch of small purple tulips that are still tightly closed. Soon they’ll open and then they’ll die, but from now until then they give me hope that, as I look out my window and see snow blowing little birds off the feeders, spring really is a month away.

More than that, they symbolize what I realized today listening to David Cook sing in my iPod at the gym. I never thought I’d find something profound in one of the corny songs written for American Idol winners since they’ve all been disappointingly bubblegum in nature (not to mention I hate any song that refers to rainbows), but there are three lines in the lyrics of “This Is The Time” that said to me this morning, “Hey, Lynn. Listen up.”

The first is the opening line: “I’ve been waiting for my dreams to turn into something I could believe in.”

I’ve been doing this for awhile now: waiting, sort of acting, but definitely being a mostly passive observer. I know dreams don’t simply get dumped in our laps. At least not usually. We have to act, often aggressively, to make them a reality. But this one dream I have…man…it’s been tough to envision as real.

While I’ve been aware of my holding back for awhile now, the song was there at the right place at the right time. I’ve not been acting to make one of my biggest dreams come true. I think about it all the time. I plan strategies for how to accomplish it. And still, I do nothing other than dabble in it.

Why do I do that? I thought as I cooled off on the bike. What’s holding me back?

Fear, said the little voice. Fear that you’re not good enough.

I thought about that for a few minutes and realized it was true. I don’t believe in myself. That’s the bottom line. I mean, I do a little, otherwise I wouldn’t have lost 170 pounds, right? Obviously a cheerleader lives inside me, albeit subconsciously. I need to resuscitate her. Give her some pompoms, a short skirt and some kicky white vinyl boots (that’s how pompom girls dressed when I was a kid) and let her give me an L! Give me a Y! Give me an N! Give me an N!

The second lyric that caught my attention was: “This is the time to be more than a name or a face in the crowd…”

My dream has nothing to do with fame and fortune. It’s more like losing weight – something I want to do for me, not anyone else. But it still wants to be done. Still wants to be accomplished.
There are nights I go to bed and vow to never write another blog. I want to simply vanish into anonymity and be nothing more than a face in the crowd. It’s safe being one of the masses. But always I wake in the morning and know that my voice, as small as it is in the billion-blog realm, needs to come out, even if I’m the only one who hears it. Well, me, my mom, my kids and Gail, who I’m pretty sure reads every one of my blogs. (Hi, Gail!)

Then there’s the third part of the lyric. I thought about it and decided it’s something I want to do: I’m “Ready to run; I’m keeping my feet on the ground; My arms open wide; My face to the sun; I’ll taste every moment; And live it out loud; I know this is the time.”

What have I got to lose? What’s life if I don’t break out and do what I really deep down want to do? And why not live it out loud? I’m gonna do it. I need to restructure some things, rework my priorities, but it will be done. The dream that is. It’s time.

I’d love it if you’d break down this song – or any other song or poem or writing that speaks to you whether it’s in an elevator, a commercial, or at the gym – and apply it to your own life. What dream do you have? Are you living it? Or are you merely thinking about it? This is your time. YOUR time. Just give it some thought.

Oh, and buy yourself some tulips. You deserve it.

9 comments:

  1. Oh my gosh, Lynn, what a great post. Please don't give up on the blog. What would we do with you? I had downloaded the song, "Proud" by Heather Small it's the theme from the show Biggest Loser and it really speaks to me. There's so many great verses, but the one I like the best is, "I step out of the ordinary, I can feel my soul ascending, I'm on my way, can't stop me now." I listen to that at the gym when I'm dragging and it reminds me of how much I've accomplished and that I can still do this. Because let me tell you, it's still a daily struggle. Check out the song you might like it. Thanks for all the inspiration.

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  2. Great post Lynn, I have a song by another american idol ironically enough, "breakaway" by kelly Clarkson that speaks to me. Part of it is:

    I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
    I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
    And I'll make a wish
    Take a chance
    Make a change
    And breakaway
    Out of the darkness and into the sun
    But I won't forget all the ones that I love
    I'll take a risk
    Take a chance
    Make a change
    And breakaway

    Wanna feel the warm breeze
    Sleep under a palm tree
    Feel the rush of the ocean
    Get onboard a fast train
    Travel on a jet plane, far away (I will)
    And breakaway

    Makes me feel like I'm breaking away from my obesity. It always makes me teary eyed when I hear it on my mp3 player when I'm walking down my favorite road. Makes me want to dance down the road like Dorthy in the Wizard of Oz *smile*.

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  3. I LOVE this post Lynn. I love when you said that you don't believe in yourself, but then you stopped and said that you do "a little". (clause: I write what I feel in my heart and don't mean anything serious or shallow or hurtful) That is so me and I have never said that to anyone out loud. Reading it made me feel like I was saying it out loud to someone else. It is the end of the day for me and time to rest my tired head, heart and body but I will rest tonight with your blog weaving in and out of my thoughts. Inspiring me and pushing me forward to believe in myself just a little bit more until it blooms strong, vibrant, and whole!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

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  4. Oops, that post was from me Ruthann, still trying to figure out how to post, not an expert on this blogging stuff.

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  5. Great post! I'm going to think about that...

    Ps. I also read all your posts, and will miss you if you go!

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  6. You are my hero. I believe in you and totally understand what you are saying.

    Kicky

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  7. Boy, this post couldn't be more timely. For several years, I've been dreaming about doing something. I'd talk myself into it and then turn around and talk myself right out of it. After all, my dream would entail traveling halfway around the world and mastering a new language, among other things. But the dream wouldn't go away, and living in this limbo was making me increasingly unhappy.

    I wish lessons were easy for me, but often they're not. Often I have to be suffering to become willing to make a change.

    Last Monday, I finally took the first step. I simply couldn't not anymore. For now, much is out of my hands. But I feel better having made the commitment--whatever happens next. I'd hate to get to the end of my life and know I didn't do something important to me because I was afraid to fail.

    In the words of playwright Samuel Beckett: "Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better."

    ~Shelley S.

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  8. Bbubbly, babe, I like that song, too. Very deep and motivating.

    Ruthann (lol BOB!), sending you out a big hug. Shelley, you, too. I'm glad I said something that made you think along the same lines regarding dreams and what you can do. I wish you both the best.

    BTW, I'm not going anywhere. I'll keep writing this blog. It's just some nights, you know? They just get me.

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  9. Thanks for your post on my blog. Feel free to link to me.

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