I see the dumbest things when I watch football on Sundays. Even worse than the mindless beer commercials yesterday was the commercial for Taco Bell touting itself as healthy drive-thru fare. Yikes! They’re even calling their menu the Drive-Thru-Diet. Here’s the disclaimer: “Drive-Thru-Diet® is not a weight-loss program. For a healthier lifestyle, pay attention to total calorie and fat intake and regular exercise. Taco Bell's Fresco Menu can help with calorie reductions of 20 to 100 per item compared to corresponding products on our regular menu. Not a low calorie food. For complete nutritional information please visit TacoBell.com.”
It’s not a weight-loss program, and yet they call it a “diet.” Hmmm… Tell you what, Taco Hell, I’ll just keep staying away from your restaurant as I have for five years. That way I'm guaranteed a “healthier lifestyle.” Besides, I make better refried beans, use real lettuce, and am much more generous with tomatoes when I make tacos and burritos at home. Drive-Thru-Diet my ass…
I’m skipping the “frescolustions” this year and making some real resolutions. As many of you know, my weight loss is the result of a New Year's resolution that stuck. Five years ago, I decided to lose some weight. How much I wasn’t sure. I just remember thinking, I want to be in Onederland again. A year later, I was.
Because a year will pass whether I change anything or not, I’m resolving to make a few tweaks to the old way of life. And I’m going to be succinct about it because it’s more fun that way.
Here’s what I mean: Smithmag.com created the Six-Word Memoirs project in 2006 and have since published two books of six-word memoirs submitted by readers. I first found the site when they held a Six-Word Resolution contest in 2007. Of all the winners, my favorite resolution was, “Kiss Jon Stewart on the mouth” submitted by Martha Garvey. I haven’t talked to Martha for awhile, so I’m not sure if she ever resolved that resolution.
So here are my 2010 six-word resolutions:
In terms of my body: “Make friends with my flabby bits.” And once I’ve done that: “Wear shorts higher than my knees.”
Professionally: “Stop giving it away for kudos.”
Financially: “No pedicures until Mastercard’s paid off.”
Nutritionally: “Go vegan for awhile, maybe longer.” (P.S. I fell in love with a new blog: FatFree Vegan Kitchen. I lost myself for an hour looking through her recipes. What to try first…)
So what are your six-word resolutions for 2010? And if it’s “Try Taco Bell’s Drive-Thru-Diet,” that’s OK, you can tell me. I won’t say anything. Really. I promise.