Monday, June 14, 2010

Surrender the Smoothies!

Things to do before surgery:

Brow and lip wax
Hair color
Pedicure (sans polish. The hospital frowns on that.)
Massage

Hey, I have my priorities. Wonder if insurance will cover any of it?

I also have to get busy planning, preparing and freezing meals. I don’t wish my dietary quirks on anyone. However, daughter Carlene – the designated Lynnie sitter when I get home – and hubby Larry agreed to make me smoothies, egg-white omelets, roasted veggies and big-ass salads the way I like them as long as I don’t get mad if they’re not exactly the way I’d make them. I’ve assured them that I’ll hardly be in a position to be mad. Getting to the bathroom the first few days I’m home will be my main priority. They could feed me cold tofu on white bread and I wouldn’t complain. Much.

Since being penciled in on the surgeon’s calendar, I’ve done a lot of thinking/meditating about the upcoming unknown. When I feel a pang of fear or pain, I sit in it for a moment and play with it in my mind like Play Doh. What is it? Where is it coming from? This has led to some interesting observations, including shining a spotlight on my controlling nature.

That I’m a control freak isn’t a news flash to my family or anyone who has known me for longer than five minutes. But the degree to which it’s causing me trepidation about my upcoming surgery kind of surprised me.

There is certainly a time and place for control. Being in control is what keeps me in maintenance. There will be no regain. But in other areas of my life, I worry way too much about things I don’t know about and, more importantly, don’t have to know about.

Waxes, pedicures, losing weight, making doctor’s appointments…I’ve learned to care of myself, which is all well and good. God knows for years I neglected to take care of me. But I’ve gotten so good at taking care of myself that I’m afraid to let others take care of me. I need to trust that the people who do know the things I don’t know will do their job correctly and in my best interest.

I have 10 days to get comfortable with this. Hardly enough time to get through medical school.

So I’m starting small. I’m letting go of smoothies, or at least my rigid specifications. A Carlene smoothie and a Larry smoothie will be just fine.

I’m also going au naturel with the hair. I swear I was the butt of some cosmic joke when I was born a control freak with naturally curly hair. “She’s gonna HATE us!” laughed the gods the day I was made. But I’ll have more important battles to fight than my hair in the upcoming few weeks, so I’m surrendering the hair, too.

Smoothies and hair. It’s a start.

And this will be my theme song: “Surrender, surrender, but don’t give yourself away.”

14 comments:

  1. Well, now I'm curious as to your smoothie recipe!

    I like your short curly 'do - it looks very summery and fresh.

    Ten days until you are on the road to recovery and a new lifestyle - I'm excited for you!

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  2. I think your hair is super cute!!!! I Love it! Hope everything goes well with the surgery. I'm sure you'll keep us posted.

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  3. Smoothies and beautiful hair seem like fine places to start! Can salads be far behind?

    I have "issues" with letting others take care of me, too, so I do understand. My mom helped me with that one, though, by reminding me that it brings her joy to help me out when I need it.

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  4. Lynn, isn't it funny how we always want what we don't have (at least in hair!) I always loved your curly hair better than you straight hair, and I have for the last few months been contemplating getting a perm again. But I keep telling myself, its not the same as naturally curly hair!

    And love your 'to do' list. How bout a list of nice things to treat yourself with AFTER the surgery (besides food.) You are going to do fine, and in fact I am looking forward to learning from you how to handle surgery when/if I ever need to have it.

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  5. When my first born was about 7 days old, my husband sat on the side of the bed, held my hand and told me he wasn't happy. He said that the minute he walked in the house I was telling him what to do. I sat and listened to him and realized that because I felt like I had so little control over me [the baby, hormones, dog, food, etc], that I was trying to control him. I was also controlling the house by keeping in spic and span. It seems because I couldn't control me, I needed to control everything around me. That 2 minute talk was a wake up call. Whenever I find myself cleaning feverishly or telling my family what to do, I know that I'm not in a good "personal" way and nip it in the bud. Control is a two-eyed monster.... your's sounds a little tamer than mine. Let them take care of you... you might really like it. Again, good luck with the surgery.

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  6. I think your hair is adorable!!

    Giving up control is hella hard. Good luck to you. Just recognizing where you have an obsessive need for control is a marvelous first step. I think you're doing wonderfully.

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  7. First of all, Lynn, I love the picture. Your hair looks so cute curly. But as one curly girl to another, I understand the desire to make hair straight. My friends all tell me I look better with curly hair and that they would kill for my hair. And I dread the summer because that means I have to wear my hair curly because of the humidity.

    And I hear you about letting go of control and worrying less. So hard to do! But you will be so relieved once the surgery is over!

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  8. with all awareness of how superficial this sounds here goes :)

    YOU LOOK AMAZATASTIC!!!

    good luck with the surgery.

    xo xo

    Carla

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  9. This is my first time to your blog and I have to say "Wow!" What an inspiring story! Good luck with your surgery! I think your hair is beautiful curly :)

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  10. Hey I love your hair it looks cute. Good luck on your surgery.

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  11. Too funny about the gods/curly hair/control....I am so with you on that one. I always say I have 'mood' hair....it does whatever the heck it wants to do. However, after 1/2 of it falling out last year - and now with it growing back - I'm happy just to HAVE hair. :)

    Good luck with your surgery.

    I do have a question for you.....on your weight loss journey, did you ever get frustrated by the slowness of fat loss and if so, how did you deal with it? After losing 100 pounds, my body just doesn't seem to want to release any more. After 18 months of trying everything (or nearly) and beating my head up against the wall, I'm feeling very tired and weary. I don't want to go back - but I'm struggling to find the strength to keep pushing forward without results. Any words of wisdom?

    Cheer!

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  12. You guys are too kind. Curly hair was my nemesis for years, but I learned to accept it. Like my bad knees. Or my temperment.

    Thank you so much for your support. I'm nervous about this surgery. I don't know if I'll wake up with a fake knee. That's the looming issue. My doc wants my permission to put in a total knee replacement if, when he opens it up, discovers a big old bunch of nothing that can be done. ...sigh...

    To Sybil. Maybe it would be OK to love and accept where your body wants to be right now? Compare where you are now to where you were. Give yourself credit and honor who you are. I don't say this lightly. This takes a lot of inner strength and thougtfulness. Give it a try. Sit and think and breathe for a few and see if you can't get comfortable with where you are. Let me know how that goes.

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  13. What is this "control" you speak of? As your sister, I have NO idea what that's about... *snickers*

    I am definitely not worried about others caring for me on my upcoming trip to MN. I'm tired. I want someone else to cook for me for once! And that doesn't mean I won't help out, but having someone else to carry the weight for a while? Now THAT'S a vacation! Glory, glory hallelujan!

    I know knee surgery is anything but a vacation, but if you look at Larry and Carly taking care of you as a vacation from having to do a lot of things for yourself, you may get into it a little bit more and let go.

    I love you and will definitely be checking in on the good patient I know you will be... right?!

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  14. 10 days is plenty of time for Larry to learn the fine art of blowdrying hair!

    Mwahaha. But seriously... you really rock those curls. Youthful and alive like a halo :) I love your attitude to this whole adventure... this is why you are the maintenance queen :)

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